No, you haven’t been Punk’d. Ashton Kutcher actually wants to give you fashion advice. And you will find his column in the latest issue of Harper’s Bazaar where he teaches couples that are fashion challenged how to dress. Yes, I did actually write that, and that is actually true. Examples of his pearls of wisdom include tips like ‘make your man feel like a man, we want you to feel safe’. So, instead of telling your guy that he looks nice, tell him he looks like James Bond. Right! That applies so often too, how handy is THAT! He also acknowledges that the importance of a man in relation to your clothes is that men are nothing more than, well, accessories to YOU, that you are the shining star. Hmm, I HAVE to wonder what is going on behind closed doors at the Kutcher-Moore residence if this advice is something he takes seriously. Can you say whipped? Well, if nothing else, pick up the issue and have a little giggle at it. It should be worth a laugh.

Image: Splash

This may shock you, or not. Lindsay Lohan is still out in Utah at the Cirque Lodge for a rehab jaunt, but it doesn’t seem that the program is working too well for her. She was called into the director’s office to take a surprise test and alleged reports are that it came back positive. The correct response would have been remorse, but she decided to go the screaming and ranting route. She’s been given strict warnings to shape up or ship out which only makes perfect sense. Well, why would you stick around a nasty rehab center if they won’t let you do drugs? She is required however to complete the program as part of her plea arrangement, so she had better get her act together. She has a few other issues that need work as well as reports are that she is not exactly the model ‘patient’. She’s been having sex in the lavatory with another patient, and she is refusing to do her share of the work around there.

If you are ever having one of those moments or days where you may not be feeling your personal best, you may want to pull this picture up to feel a bit better about yourself. Kelly Osbourne is seen here leaving the Perrier Paul and Joe Party that was held at the Serpentine Gallery in London. Kelly is in London right now as she prepares for the role of Mama Morton in the West End musical “Chicago”. It’s great to see she is doing well career wise, but someone needs to tell this girl the Morticia look isn’t in anymore.

Image: Pacific Coast News

Paris Hilton is desperate for a new BFF. So much so that she called up her former friend and former OC cast member Mischa Barton and really laid on the schmooze. She gushed about how much she missed Mischa and rambled about what a train wreck all of her other so-called friends were – Lindsay Lohan, Nicole Richie, and Britney Spears. And well, though she may not be all that wrong there, her rant wasn’t exactly well received by Mischa. Mischa declined a girls-night out and ultimately hung up on the poor lost Paris. Not surprisingly, Paris paid in kind by slamming Mischa days later telling people she was jealous, and in fact I think the word witch was even used. Hmm, and Paris is actually surprised that she can’t sustain any friendships?

Image: Pacific Coast News

Well if you didn’t know any better, you might think this was just another harried mom out and about trying to fill up some time with a handful of kids in tow. In fact this uber casual pony-tailed girl is Angelina Jolie in New York City on August 30th. Here she is with the kids Shiloh, Zahara, Pax and Maddox spending some quality time at the Children’s Petting Zoo in Central Park. While we don’t see the whole picture, it is nice to see mom out with some hands on time with the wee ones, and I am sure they are just as tickled about it as she seems. And that little Shiloh is going to be quite the heartbreaker one day, what a cutie pie!!

Image: Pacific Coast News

Fans of Lily Allen may be more than a little confused by her recent ‘illnesses’. She has recently called off four European performances and posted a doctor’s note on her MySpace profile letting her disappointed fans know that she was sick with sinusitis and strep throat. She did apologize saying she couldn’t afford to perform and risk permanent damage to the delicate vocal chords that have won her a following through hits such as “Smile”. Yet here she is spotted at London’s Notting Hill Carnival living it up with what seems to be a funny looking hand-rolled cigarette. She spent some time smoking and huddling with friends as if she didn’t want to be seen. She also spent most of the day glassy-eyed and drinking heavily which resulted in a little bit of passing out in front of the hip bar The Cow later that day. She was so out of it she needed to be assisted to vertical status with some help from a nearby restaurant. Friends ushered her into the restaurant Rosa’s Dining Room where she spent some quality time with a jug of water and some coffee before she was sent home in a taxi. Hmm…I wonder how her throat is doing after all that stress?

Kylie Minogue has had a rough year. Last year she battled breast cancer and underwent chemotherapy as a natural course of her treatment. As a result, her fertility became compromised and conceiving a child naturally will be difficult for her. She has recently re-ignited her on-again off-again relationship with actor Olivier Martinez and is desperate to have a child. With this she is considering a groundbreaking new treatment that will involve surgery that may actually help her conceive. Being 39 and a cancer survivor, she has a few things going against her, and there is no word yet as to if the surgery is even a guaranteed solution for her ability to conceive. But she is working with her doctors to determine if her body is ready for it after such a long year, and if given the go ahead will make the plans for surgery. We will cross our fingers that the next thing we report on Kylie is her pending mommyhood.

It is so sad when a celebrity we have come to know and love for their remarkable talent to make us laugh to the core experiences the tragedy that Owen Wilson has. With his recent suicide attempt making headlines, more reports are leaking out as to the details leading up to the tragic attempt. The New York Post is now reporting on the issues behind Owen Wilson’s suicide attempt and the battles he has been waging this year that led up to this desperate cry for help. In the months before his suicide attempt, Owen had been struggling with both cocaine and heroin addictions as well as depression following his very public breakup with Kate Hudson. The breakup itself has been attributed to his drug problems which became so severe an intervention had taken place in his Mauii home. Those close to Owen indicate the real root of the problem is one of Owen’s cohorts with whom he has worked with in several films – Steve Coogan. Owen is now resting under doctor’s care in Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles. The NY Post also reports that he has dropped out of his upcoming comedy “Tropic Thunder” that’s being directed by Ben Stiller. We wish you nothing but the best for a speedy recovery, Owen!