For those of you that have been waiting with breath that is baited for a punishment to come down on the big meanie Charlie Sheen, you may be disappointed. This man has definitely done enough to leave a bad taste in the mouth of many, and his latest will probably do just the same. After the knife weilding debacle that brought police to the vacation home of Charles and his wife Brooke on Christmas Day 2009, terms of punishment are starting to come down. From the sounds of it, the actor could spend his prison term in a work placement, also known as what regular people do all the time. Ah yes, the noble tradition of celebrities never serving any jail time continues. As Charlie Sheen prepares to accept a plea bargain that will have him sentenced to 30 days in jail, TMZ reports he might be spending those days doing community service out in the world, where the sun is shining and the cigarettes are in abundance. The judge will rule on whether Charlie’s eligible for work release at his trial in Aspen on Monday. The Two And A Half Men star pleaded not guilty on March 16 to second-degree assault, menacing and criminal mischief. His wife Brooke Mueller had claimed he had threatened her with a knife on Christmas Day. If he goes for the plea, and his lawyer told the Associated Press on Tuesday that he will, he will serve 30 days. Or at least that’s how much time he’ll serve if he’s a nightmare to deal with. It’s more likely he’ll get out in 17 days for good behavior, TMZ explains. He decided to do that instead of taking two years probation, because his legal team isn’t confident he can actually go two years without, say, being busted with a hooker, the New York Daily News reports. So basically his punishment for threatening to kill a woman will probably be two weeks of doing a blue-collar job and sleeping in a co-ed prison that’s so upscale it’s carpeted and has been known to serve Cornish hen. I guess one’s man’s prison is another man’s Comfort Inn.

Photograph: © Juan Soliz, PacificCoastNews.come

Well the Kardashian clan has been working really hard to come up with something that is headline worthy, so they figured using big terms like plastic surgery would do it. Guess it has for the time being. Here they were spotted at the Kitson boutique on Robertson Blvd to launch their new jewelry line. They laughed and smiled and signed autographs while promoting the “Kardashian Collection by Virgin Saints + Angels”. But you know them, it’s not ALWAYS about the bling. They don’t even need the tabloids doing these big gotcha stories on the Kardashians. They’ll totally just tell you themselves. Especially you, Nightline! Nightline, the show that no one ever references and yet here we are talking about it twice in the same week, sat the Kardashian sisters and their mom Kris down for a chat, and before you could spell Tijuana rhinoplasty, Kim was talking about what Cynthia McFadden would see if Kim took her bra off.

“Trust me honey, if I take this bra off you will tell me I need to get them done. I’m totally not against plastic surgery. … I’ve tried Botox before. That’s the only thing that I’ve done.”

Did the rhinoplasty lengthen there, Kimmy, or does that only happen to wooden puppets caught in the act of lying. And at the other end of the shallow pool, the Kardashian formerly known as The Pregnant One, Kourtney, totally cops to a boob job.

“I have had breast implants, but it’s so funny ’cause it’s not a secret. (it never was Kourt) I could care less. It’s so funny because the ‘before’ picture that [In Touch] showed was after I had my boob job, so I’m like, they should have written ‘before Mason’ and ‘after Mason.’ Like my boobs have, like, tripled since breastfeeding.”

And here we go with the too much information buzzer. As for Khloe Kardashian, the only thing she had that was fake was her wedding. Ok, fine, so just because it was an incredibly successful episode of their reality show doesn’t necessarily mean it was fake. Right? Right. Let’s see what headlines the girls can create NEXT time, shall we?

Photograph: © Anthony, PacificCoastNews.com **

Well I can’t exactly state that I had been waiting with baited breath to hear Jesse James speak, mostly because the “poor me” story from a big fat cheater doesn’t resonate too much with me. Mind you, he has been pretty mum since the “big news” so hearing him even if but briefly is interesting if nothing else, and not interesting in the good way. Jesse James did his big mandatory interview on Nightline last week in the wake of cheating on Sandra Bullock, and now I know why I never watch Nightline. I guess melodramatically written news about how awesome it is that someone’s life is shattered makes for appropriate counter-programming to David Letterman, but it just doesn’t equal peaceful sleeping for me. Since we last saw Jesse at the Oscars, he’s basically been fixing bikes, stoically ignoring paparazzi, and crying. “I’ve cried more in rehab in the last 30 days than I have in my whole life,” he said in the interview, shortly after he took a break from filming to get a hold of still further crying. He didn’t go into therapy specifically for sex addiction, he revealed, although he did deal with that issue, along with anger management. More specifically, Jesse went in to resolve some issues with being abused by his dad as a kid. He says his dad broke his arm when he was seven and laughed about it, claims his dad denies.

“My whole childhood I never got the chance to be a kid. He beat my ass pretty good a bunch of times. Football star, bike builder, Monster Garage TV star… all that stuff is a huge smokescreen so people won’t see that I’m a scared abused kid. A seven year old.”

Sandra told him she was proud of him for going. Should we be? I dunno. The I got hit as a kid made me cheat excuse doesn’t exactly sit well with me either. But if she wants to be proud let her be proud I suppose. But these situations have certainly shed light on the fact that perfect Hollywood marriages may just be a unicorn. Or just shed light on the fact that Jesse James is delusional. Let’s just remember that before awards season, Jesse James wasn’t exactly the world’s most sought-after man. Once Sandra Bullock starts living her life normally again, Jesse James’s troubles will be surpassed by headlines like “Sandra Bullock Wears A Ponytail–And Now You Can Too!”

Kevin Perkins, PacificCoastNews.com

It may have been a shock for the rest of the world, but at least Simon Monjack’s mother had an inkling not all was well with her 39-year-old son. As you may have heard, the widower of actress Brittany Murphy was found dead from heart failure in Hollywood at 9:30 pm on Sunday night. Since this devastating news, a LOT of speculation has come up about Simon’s death, one of the theories being knocked around was suicide, but his mom, Linda Monjack is quick to dispel those theories. Linda Monjack, a hypnotherapist in Buckinghamshire, England, told the Daily Mirror the 39-year-old was having serious problems.

“I’d known he was ill all weekend and I was trying to get a flight out to Los Angeles. It would have been the first time I would’ve seen him since Brittany’s death. I just wanted to see my son.”

Simon had already been struck by a minor heart attack shortly before Brittany’s death in December. Since that incident, his spokesperson (Roger Neal) had been encouraging him to get a bypass, and had mentioned as much to People magazine quite some time ago.

“I was told he needed a bypass, and I said to him, ‘Simon, you have so much going on, let’s keep you healthy’. You want to be healthy. Don’t you?’ He said, ‘Yes but the bypass can wait.’”

Investigators won’t know if prescription medication found at the house contributed to Simon’s death until a toxicology report is completed in the next four to six weeks. In the meantime, Linda’s explaining the cause of death as “broken heart.”

“We think the heart problems were caused by the shock of Brittany’s death. She was the love of his life and he was the love of my life. He was so distressed.”

Meanwhile, Brittany’s mother, Sharon Murphy, is finally all alone in the Hollywood mansion that just six months ago she was sharing with both Brittany and Simon. A friend tells People she is “not well at all,” which can only be expected. She already tried to sell the house once, but Simon said she found strangers looking at Brittany’s belongings too upsetting. But now that it has two tragedies associated with it, I hope she gets out of there and makes a fresh start. No memoirs, no memorial charity galas, no estate sales… just scram and go try to live a normal life somewhere.

Photograph:© David Tonnessen, PacificCoastNews.com

We see Lindsay Lohan here doing what she does best, partying on a yacht , but in this case, the locale of her party times are in Cannes during the Cannes Film Festival. And it looks like this local of choice may have made things a little difficult for a court appearance. But Judge, she has a really really good excuse *cough* reason THIS time. That volcano in Iceland is still clogging the European skies with ash cloud, affecting the travel plans of thousands. But the real victim, naturally, is Lindsay Lohan. The 23-year-old is at the Cannes Film Festival, where she is attending glam parties, being wooed by luxury accessory line Chopard, and meeting with press for unknown reasons. And secretly the Vodka salespeople remain relieved that the starlet remains free. In the jurisprudence understatement of the year, Judge Martha Revel cites there is “probable cause” to believe Lindsay Lohan has violated the terms of her probation. That’s like saying there’s probable cause to believe that Madonna works out, but whatever, we’ve got to respect the US justice system and let it do whatever it does. Although yesterday’s arrest warrant and steep bail charges may have been comforting to regular folk who feel that celebrities are unfairly coddled by the courts (remember Paris?), it also proves that money goes a long way towards softening a legal snafoo. Soon after the news of Lohan’s imminent arrest broke, her people plopped down the $10,000 necessary to secure her temporary freedom, and the judge recalled the warrant (the remaining $90,000 will be collected later). The previously employed actress is now set to appear in court on Monday at 8:30. The arrest warrant had been issued after Lohan failed to attend a scheduled court date yesterday morning. The starlet was busy partying in Cannes, claiming that volcanic ash and a lost passport prevented her from catching her flight back home. Fortunately for the court’s credibility, the judge wasn’t buying any of it. It looks like this is not a situation Lohan will be able to charm her way out of, and she could face up to 180 days in jail. My advice to LiLo? Listen to your lawyers and don’t throw any drinks at the judge.

Photograph: PacificCoastNews.com

Here we see a family that is no stranger to tragedy, but it seems that now they have some good news to celebrate. John Travolta and Kelly Preston were spotted here earlier this year with their daughter Ella at the World Premiere of “Old Dogs” at the El Capitan Theater in Hollywood. And their good celebrations on the horizon are have raised more than a few eyebrows. In fact, it sounds like the plot from a Lifetime movie, working title Autumn’s Child: The World’s Oldest Miracle. John Travolta is expecting a baby with his wife of 19 years, 47-year-old Kelly Preston. John and Kelly both confirmed the news, first speculated upon in this week’s National Enquirer, in a statement on their websites.

“It’s impossible to keep a secret…especially one as wonderful as this. We want to be the first to share this great news with everyone that we are expecting a new addition to our family.”

If the addition had been a new airplane, I’d be more prepared to deal with this news. For the people who have only learned to read over the past year, John and Kelly’s 16-year-old son Jett died from a seizure in January 2009. They also have a 10-year-old daughter, Ella. Travolta just doesn’t understand the concept that just because you can doesn’t mean you should. Sure, why can’t John sleep all day, stay up all night, and play tennis with his staff? Why can’t he pilot a fleet of airplanes? Why can’t he make three Look Who’s Talking movies? Why can’t he raise a teenager when he’s in his 70s? But, also, whatever. It’s their family, so the Travoltas can have a “way to be” from me. Also, I would like to apologize to fellow 47-year-old Demi Moore for laughing in my head when she said she might have a child with Ashton Kutcher. Clearly I was unaware that Hollywood uteruses are magical. But to be nice, we say many congratulations to John and Kelly plus one more.

Photograph: ©Tuukka Jantti, PacificCoastNews.com **