Well it seems that Angelina Jolie doesn’t have a whole lot to talk about these days, so infamous biographer Andrew Morton decided to get to the bottom of it in an all new tell all. When it will be surfacing is anybody’s guess, but it sounds like her infamous tattoos and their meanings will be a focus point of the book. A lot of snide comments come to mind here, I mean, one of the most famous women in the world and tattoos are the only thing a famous biographer could come up with? But as it turns out, the actress is such a fan of body art she spent one night sketching a design on boyfriend Brad Pitt’s back, because they “didn’t have anything to do”. But if you are curious, the new tell-all book cover features a picture of her back – a fitting perspective for a biography written without her approval. But even though you can’t see her face, Angelina Jolie is instantly recognisable on Andrew Morton’s book by her collection of tattoos, something she never seems to tire of talking about. “I am still, at heart and always will be just a punk kid with tattoos,” she has also confessed. As well as quotations, dates and phrases which hold a special meaning to 34-year-old Angelina, the Tomb Raider star is covered in odes to her children and her late mother, Marcheline Bertrand. A couple of designs linked to her ex-husbands, however, failed to make the final cut – the actress has either had them removed or covered up teaching us all that in most if not all cases, romantic love should not be inked permanently on the skin. Even she admits it.

“I’ll never be stupid enough to have a man’s name tattooed on me again.”

Now, as bookshelves are preparing to be adorned with the photo of Angelina’s tattooed back, here is a run down of the film star’s ink – and the meanings of all her intricate designs. As far as the ink on her back is concerned, she has a lot to say about her choices there. The words “Know your rights” sit at the base of Angelina’s neck. The phrase is the title of a Clash song and, according to the actress, a slogan of empowerment. She has described it as “humanitarian, but a little punk rock”. Moving left we have an incantation in Khmer, on her left shoulder blade, is arguably Angelina’s most recognisable tattoo. Khmer is the native language of Cambodia – the country where her son Maddox was born. A possible translation is:

“May your enemies run far away from you/If you acquire riches may they remain yours always/Your beauty will be that of Apsara/Wherever you may go, may will attend, serve and protect you, surrounding you on all sides”.

Moving south we have the infamous 12-by-eight-inch Bengal tiger tattoo, which is visible on Angelina’s lower back, was done during a visit to Bangkok, Thailand, in 2004. Artist Sompong Kanhphai took two hours to complete the design and then blessed it by chanting an ancient hymn. Angelina reportedly had the tattoo done to celebrate her Cambodian citizenship. Naturally. And as far as her arms are concerned, no mysteries there for many of us. The tattoo on Angelina’s upper left arm is a tribute to her rainbow coloured family. The design features the geographical co-ordinates of where her six children were born. Onto the other arm…A Tennessee Williams quote on the actress’s left forearm reads: “A prayer for the wild at heart kept in cages”. The phrase is the subtitle of Williams’ 1941 play Stairs to the Roof. Angelina’s mother, Marcheline Bertrand, was with her when she got this tattoo. Angelina originally had XIII – the Roman numeral for 13 – tattooed on the inside of her left forearm because she doesn’t believe in superstitions. She later added V MCMXL to the design, which is believed to be a reference to the date (May 13, 1940) when Winston Churchill declared: “I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears and sweat”. So if you ever thought you’d never see the day when Angelina Jolie and Winston Churchill were uttered in the same sentence, you were wrong. How tempted are we to give the big eye roll to the great humanitarian, literary genius, and Cambodian citizen, Angelina Jolie. As the famous and late Paul Harvey would say, now you know the rest of the story.

Photo: Darla Khazei, PacificCoastNews.com

Ah yes, here we have America’s most annoying couple doing what they can to stay as far away from each other during a Midtown Manhattan errand run. Brad Pitt, yes that’s the man that looks like Jesus there, is running ahead of the scary skinny lady that is hiding behind fly shades in the background. But one little picture like this doesn’t necessarily mean they’ve finally decided they annoy each other as well, as this kind of exit from a public place is very common for celebrity couples that don’t want to be seen together. Actually, this kind of exit is common for celebrities that don’t want “new couple” rumors to begin (circa John and Jen back in the day), but rarely occurs in well established couples with six children together. So maybe our most annoying couple have finally irritated each other enough to stay at arms length or farther. I gotta say, this hideous goatee that Brad boy is sporting would be enough to keep me a distance. At any rate, no, one little picture is not going to seal the deal with these guys….no, no…it’s all the OTHER stuff that people, and People magazine are saying that is pretty much confirming what we all thought was inevitable. Splitsville for Brangelina. Could it BE? Yes, despite the fact that Brad and Angelina were out for dinner together when the split rumours started, the rumors HAVE started and they don’t seem to be slowing down. Brad Pitt! Angelina! Please just stand beside each other! The speculation over whether the celebrity alpha couple have split or not is only getting more intense now that the covers of this week’s celeb magazines have been posted online. And while In Touch says Jennifer Aniston broke them up, a claim that has slightly more credibility this week than the dozen times they’ve previously reported it, People magazine, a publication that will no more lie to you about Brangelina than they will over how delicious a fat-free chocolate cake recipe is, says not to panic.

“Angie and Brad were actually out to dinner together in Los Angeles when the rumour broke. That’s how ridiculous [the story] is.”

The hotly followed famous ones are currently in Los Angeles with their kids Maddox, Pax, Zahara, Shiloh and the invisible twins, Viv and Knox. So just when I was going to go back to sleeping through the night, Howard Stern had to go and shatter my sense of security. He randomly called into Rosie O’Donnell’s Rosie Radio on Tuesday and, when talked turned to Brangelina, he said he knew they weren’t together anymore, ONTD reports. And while Howard may be many things, including a man who can leave you permanently traumatized with a sexual remark about Barbara Bush, he isn’t really known as a big gossip mongerer. He cryptically said he “knows people” and “he can pretty much say for sure that they are no longer together,” ONTD reported. It sure didn’t help that Angelina was snapped out in L.A. with not Brad, but her brother James Haven on Tuesday. Or that a rep for the couple are now saying they have no plans to attend the Oscars this year. But for those who want to believe, Angelina’s dad Jon Voight says he’s still the only one kicked out of Angelina’s life. “It’s all made up stuff,” he said, via Metro. That would be reassuring if I thought for one second that Howard Stern didn’t play a larger role in Angelina’s life than Jon Voight does.

Photograph: PacificCoastNews.com

Isn’t she wonderful, isn’t she beautiful, and finally she will be paired with someone equally beautiful, so that the whole world can know how beautiful they are. Yes, the prettiest moment in fashion is about to occur ladies and gentlemen, set your clocks now as Angelina Jolie and David Beckham are set to star in an advertising campaign for Italian fashion house Emporio Armani. The Oscar-winning beauty has signed a deal with Emporio Armani and the Italian fashion house is keen for her to team up with the handsome soccer star – who has appeared in a number of their campaigns, including some with wife the glorious Posh Beckham. Says an Angelina ‘source’:

“When you have David Beckham and Angelina Jolie signed up to your fashion house it’s a no-brainer to link them up. They appeal to a diverse audience and a collaboration would create so much publicity it would push Armani head and shoulders above their rivals. There are a few contract issues to be addressed but marketing experts are being tasked with coming up with clever ideas for a print campaign.”

A no-brainer yes, because we do need constant reminders of how important pretty people are to fashion. However, bosses are keen to make sure the adverts are not too risque as they don’t want to ruin the committed family image both Angelina and David have. No that would be a shame, they are both such wholesome angels and we wouldn’t want to tarnish those sparkly reputations. The source also added, “The two are exceptionally beautiful on camera but both are in committed relationships so the advert would have to be sexy without offending their partners.” Is anybody else puking yet? Because we all know how much respect Mrs. Smith, *cough* I mean, Angelina, has for the sanctity of marriage. Which is precisely why she hasn’t married the father of her own 6 Pittlets, right?

Photo: Alex Bastille, PacificCoastNews.com

Photograph: Darla Khazei, PacificCoastNews.com

Doncha just wanna say at this point that Jennifer, when the horse is dead, the horse is dead. Stop kicking it. Stop beating it. Stop touching it. Stop calling it. Stop thinking about it. Dead horse. Dead. This is the only word that I can come up with as far as the never ending saga between Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer is concerned, and yet we keep hearing about it. Is this a couplehood destined to work and this is why we keep hearing about it? Or is this just another case of two people who don’t know how to move on? Who knows. At any rate, here we have Jennifer Aniston looking particularly contemplative on the set of her latest film “The Baster”. In this film Jennifer plays an unmarried 40 year old woman, ironically enough. This woman is so desperate to have a child that she turns to a turkey baster. Yes, you read that right. Is it just me or is it *possible* that Jennifer has been on a downhill slide since the break with Player Mayer? A turkey baster, Jennifer??? Seriously?? As Jennifer’s latest hit “He’s Not That Into You” hits the DVD shelves this week, she is of course back in the headlines proving maybe just how appropriate it really was for her to work this film. Because now the word is that Jennifer may be needing some rehab to detox herself from John John. Or at least, some rehab to detox herself period to ensure she doesn’t pick up the phone. Because the drink and dial seems to be prevalent on her To Do list these days. Ah yes, a rumour claims she’s drunk dialing–sigh—the aforementioned John Mayer. And as you can imagine, this is leading to the predictable slew of BranJenniston Triangles and rumors. Because some are saying that her ex husband Brad Pitt is just as guilty of the Drink ‘N Dial. After a few tawdry titles claimed Brad is in the habit of having a few drinks and then one thing leads to another and suddenly he’s babbling on to Jennifer’s voicemail about how much he cried in Marley & Me, the National Enquirer has come back with an equally gripping story that Jen has been drunkenly contacting her ex-boyfriend Beelzebub, aka Player Mayer.

“She started reaching out to him, sometimes very late at night,” a crew crony from her currently in-production movie The Baster reports. “And sometimes after a few too many glasses of wine.”

Yes, the crew stories are always so believable. I’m sure those conversations have been the height of poise and elegance. I think we can all see where this is heading. The next episode in this saga will be Angelina performing the Drink N Dial to Jennifer, screaming “stay away from my man you tramp!” Angelina calls Jennifer Aniston to warn her to never contact Brad again, under penalty of grappling hook. And then maybe they can all have a drunk conference call and get this situation sorted out once and for all. One can only hope.

pacificcoastnews.com

Yep, Angelina is back to work and is seen here waving handcuffs on the set of Salt where she is playing a fugitive CIA assassin. But even though life has returned to normal for her, she hasn’t stopped thinking about how much she wants to save the world and expand her gaggle of children until she out beats Octo Mom I guess. And since these are turbulent times in our country and for the Pitt family, and by that I mean Jennifer Aniston has shocked us with a new look yet again, then it is comforting to know that if nothing else changes, the growing Pittlet gang will never change but in numbers. And now that Madonna has made the leap to adopt another, Angelina can’t let that headline sit unrivalled. So there is some talk now about a seventh, and yes even an eighth Pittlet. As its stands now, Angelina is currently renting a home in Long Island while she is filming “Salt” but has full intentions to fly to some third world country some where and find themselves another baby. And then, because I guess their 12 homes aren’t enough, she is going to find another place to live for all of them as well. I have lost track, but do they own more houses or have more children in that family? The events seem to coincide don’t they? At any rate, Africa seems to be the locale of choice for this couple’s next family member given that their daughter Zahara who is four was born in Ethiopia. No clue if this will transpire or not, or if this is just something to talk about themselves because Madonna just came out with the SAME announcement. But one thing will never change, if you need a source to uncover any surprising news from the Jolie-Pitts, just ask Jack Black, he’s infamous for spilling all of the Angelina baby beans.

Juan Soliz, PacificCoastNews.com

This is one rumor that is actually aging faster than the cheese in my refrigerator. But yes, it sounds like Brad and Angelina need to keep going with the kid wagon. In a recent interview with UK’s Daily Telegraph, Brad discussed his family and how the twins were doing acclimating to the entire Pittlet soccer team situation. His response? The twins are fully ‘integrated’. Integrated? Is that a word used in the family situation? Well, I guess for them it can only mean one thing, and hence the baby orphan rumors. It’s time to find ‘the next one’. Calling all orphans! Time to don the Versace and Gucci onesies because Vivienne and Knox are officially integrated, and that means that soccer team Pittlets is gearing up for player number seven!

We were four [children] before, and we got into our rhythms and it worked,” Brad told the Telegraph. “Then someone new comes in, and it discombobulates the movements for a moment, but then you settle in again and it just all works. Everyone’s pretty well integrated. It’s not the first time new kids have come in.” (And it’s so not the last, as Brad confirmed in the interview.) “We have the capability to give a child a home, and let me tell you it’s selfish, too, because the reward has been extraordinary.”

Does this mean that Angelina is going to have to start putting on weight? I mean, how many Pittlets can one juggle on those bony hips of hers? But the rumor may be starting because of the interview that Angelina gave to Matt Lauer that they were going to wait until the twins were 6 months old before they fly out to Burma, or Haiti, or something again. She said ‘you can’t even start the process until any new children are six months old, to understand how the new family has settled’. She says settled, Brad says integrated. Hm. And does anyone else find it ODD that the AVERAGE American family has to wait five years on adoption lists before they get the child of their dreams? Does anyone else find it even a LITTLE perverse that these two just have to snap their fingers to expand their family? Most families waiting at the 6 months mark after a new addition, would have an additional 4 ½ years TO GO. And full integration of course would be complete by that point. But I guess the pretty people DO have their own rules, if waiting until newborns are 6 months is their only requirement. And yes it irks me. But not because I WANT seven children. But you know…maybe someone else DOES?