No, no, this isn’t Eva caught reading Tony Parker’s text messages, this picture is what we call irony. When Eva was playing a fake crying scene during a fight with her husband on the set of Desperate Housewives. Because as you well knew, there is more to the story…and it ain’t as pretty as she is, even when she’s fake crying. Basketball bride Erin Marie Barry claims she hadn’t even heard that she was the other woman in Eva Longoria’s split from Tony Parker. Between struggling through a divorce, studying for law school, saving child abuse victims and who knows what else (would it kill her to knit some vests for orphaned pandas?), she just hasn’t had the time for such petty matters as the international sullying of her reputation. She’s now officially responded on her website, and she wants you to know she’s annoyed. And pissy. Don’t forget pissy.

“I DID NOT HAVE AN AFFAIR WITH TONY PARKER, nor did I ‘pursue’ Tony Parker. Unfortunately, because our divorces are occurring at the same time, great speculation has been cast on our friendship. My friendship with Tony Parker had nothing to do with the end of my marriage (which is painful enough without this added drama), and to assume that we had an affair is naïve, ridiculous, and completely misguided.”

Eva decided to divorce her husband of three years after she found hundreds of text messages between him and one of their friends, some of which were eyebrow-raisingly adult in nature. But whether or not that friend was Erin, who is currently divorcing San Antonio Spurs player Brent Barry, the basketball ex didn’t get into. She also noted that having to address the gossip was an “annoyance,” as she is a very busy lady who barely has time to answer all of her dirty text messages let alone respond to the gossip hounds.

“I am so busy with my children and law school studies that to take even a few moments out of my day to address this ludicrous issue is an annoyance. I only take the time to explain myself because apparently my silence, as a result of my indifference, has been construed as an admission of guilt. These are my words and this is the last you will hear from me on this subject because I have more important things to do.”

Ya! You know how those Sudokus pile up. Eva and Tony haven’t had nearly as much to say since Eva filed for divorce on November 17. Eva’s pal, Mario Lopez, had an update, saying she was “devastated” but “strong,” like someone in a Cher song. She was seen out for lunch with Tony at Santa Monica’s Shutters on the Beach, but nobody’s getting their hopes up. “It was just a friendly lunch to work out the details of the divorce,” a source told Us. Apparently sometimes a salad is just a salad. Aw. And I kind of had my hopes up there. *sigh*

Photograph: Jeff Steinberg, © PacificCoastNews.com **

I know we just went through this just the other day, but act surprised anyway. After three years of height-crossed love, Eva Longoria, 35, has filed for divorce from Tony Parker, 27. She filed in L.A., People reports, with the added sting of it actually really happening this time. Yesterday, TMZ posted news from the future, claiming Tony Parker had filed for divorce. He hadn’t, but People warned she’d file today after she was, as a source says, “totally and completely blindsided” by Tony’s relationship with another woman. Poor Eva. But the important thing is that we survived. As has been the fate of many celeb marriages, Eva’s suffered death by texts, Us Weekly reports. During some routine snooping, she came across hundreds of suggestive texts to one of their mutual friends. “Eva is heartbroken by the betrayal,” a source says. “Once the trust was lost, the marriage was over.” Eva backed out of taping a CNN special with Anderson Cooper this weekend, presumably because she’s too upset to leave the brownies. But she’s been through worse. Over Her Dead Body? Who wants to see a movie where Eva Longoria plays a bitchy ghost? Let’s hope she can at least find some solace in being ridiculously rich and gorgeous.

Photograph: ©ÊMax Powell, PacificCoastNews.com

Another one bites the dust?? Really? Even these two folks that gave all new meaning to the term cutest couple everrrrrrrr. Aw man. They had a good three year run, but Eva Longoria and Tony Parker are calling it a marriage. Tony, a point guard for the San Antonio Spurs, filed for divorce in Texas on Monday, TMZ reports. The couple had wed on the auspicious date of 07/07/07, but alas, it appears those numbers carry no magic powers. Too late now. Eva, who was nominated for a Golden Globe in 2006 for playing Gabrielle on Desperate Housewives, had cancelled a planned appearance over the weekend to tape Anderson Cooper’s CNN’s Heroes of 2010 special on Saturday.

This is a couple that had multiple challenges to overcome in their marriage: their seven year age difference (she’s 35, he’s 28), their demanding careers, a gruelling to photograph height difference, the omnipresent sexiness of Eva’s friend Mario Lopez. Who can compete with that? Dimples and abs! Ridiculous! So I can’t say I’m surprised. At least now she can join Teri Hatcher for single girls’ parties. No Eva, don’t cry! But alas… Eva’s rep denies Tony has filed for divorce. But with all of this talk, if this marriage lasts the week, it will be as shocking as a Desperate Housewives season finale.

** Photograph: PacificCoastNews.com

Tuukka Jantti, PacificCoastNews.com

We may have a little bit of a diva on our hands, though money gouging Heather Mills isn’t exactly who I have in mind at this point. Heather Mills is best known of course for her ugly ugly divorce between Beatle’s mogul Paul McCartney. And from the sounds of it, she didn’t quite get what she wanted in the divorce settlement as she has been scrounging for work in Hollywood. Of course she did her Dancing with the Stars stint, and has been working the rounds to hit other hot shows. Celebrity Apprentice was one start, but she was fired before she even made it on-screen thanks to high demands and princess like attitudes. The folks at Ugly Betty gave her a flat uh no, thanks but no thanks, and her next conquest was a guest star on Desperate Housewives. When Eva Longoria heard that, something akin to a hissy fit ensued, when Heather was *this close* to getting a go for it. The stars of Housewives it seems had a chance to discuss Heather’s potential role, and Eva I guess was 100% against it. She insisted, demanded rather, that Heather Mills be dropped from any consideration for a Housewives role but there doesn’t seem to be any specific reason for her hate-on. This has sparked some rumors that Eva is the biggest diva of all the Housewives and that she can be pretty harsh when it comes to messing with the ‘fold’ of women on the cast. Kinda funny, really. I can’t imagine anyone more Desperate, or perfect for a role on Housewives, as the women do like to poke and nudge each other whenever they can. However, whether we will see Heather Mills on Housewives remains to be seen, but I am thinking, uh no.

Josephine Santos, PacificCoastNews.com

Eva Longoria and her hubby Tony Parker are seen here leaving the restaurant that they own together after enjoying dinner. Eva was wearing an empire waisted smock top that was one of many things that sparked rumors that the formerly teensy actress may be ‘in the family way’. But you know how it is on Wisteria Lane, those ladies do like to gab, even when they are off-set. And Eva’s co-star Felicity Huffman is saying let the rumors be, she’s not preggo, she’s just fat, that’s all there is to it. Eva’s pregnancy rumors have been going round and about all summer long when she was first seen a few sizes smaller, but still wearing a loose fitting sundress on a shopping binge. In July, she debuted a bikini figure that was well, not Eva’s standard size 0 shall we say. But apparently, the baby boom is so huge in Tinseltown right now that anytime someone’s inches swell past the actress norm, preggo rumors ensue which is exactly what happened with Eva. And it’s all for the good of the role she says. Her character on Desperate Houswives is said to be less former model/glamazon and more frumpy housefrau and as such, she’s been asked to put on a few pounds. In addition to the weight that she has gained, she will be seen later in the season donning a fat suit to amplify this role as the Wisteria Lane storyline jumps ahead five years as it did in the season finale. I don’t know, I think a little meat looks good on her, makes her more human, non?

Gaz Shirley, PacificCoastNews.com

Should Kate Beckinsale Be On the Scary Skinny Watch? ~ I Don’t Want Your Life

Eva Longoria has GOT to Be Preggers!! ~ Bitten and Bound

Heath Ledger’s Co-Stars Donate Film Proceeds to His Daughter Matilda **collective awww** ~ Hollywire