Well, what’s a girl to do after her house has been broken into? Go shopping to buy more stuff for people to steal next time. But yes, here she is hanging onto her newly adopted Pug named Mugsy after a scare at her home. And this may be a new way for Paris to shop, or at least new to us, as you can see she is hanging onto her dog for dear life, while a bevy of cogs follow mutely behind her carrying all of her crap. Why should we be surprised? What we should be surprised at is how, her gaglets of puppies didn’t prevent the breaking. Wasn’t it Ellen she was bragging to about her 17 pooches? Cute except for it seems that having 17 dogs hasn’t done much for Paris Hilton when it comes to home security. A Hispanic man was arrested Tuesday morning at her L.A. home after she saw him banging on her windows over her security cameras, armed with two kitchen knives. Paris saw him around 6:42 am PST and called the police. Yes, this man was already trying to murder Paris Hilton before I’d even hit my first snooze alarm. That’s commitment to your goals. This is the kind of overshare you’re missing out on if you’re not following Paris on Twitter. The 29-year-old was tweeting away by 7:19, sending out pictures of police arresting the man before he’d even been given a pre-prison lice shampooing. “So scary, just got woken up to a guy trying to break into my house holding 2 big knifes,” she wrote. “Cops are here arresting.” Her rep was not so slow to confirm this one and released this statement to E!:

I can confirm that in the early hours of this morning an armed man with two kitchen knives attempted to break in to Paris Hilton’s home when she was sleeping. The security cameras and alarm system were alerted and the police immediately came to the house and arrested the intruder who was attempting to break a window when they arrived. Paris is naturally shaken by the events but is unharmed and well. She is very thankful to her security team and the police for their swift and diligent response.

She does not ask for your privacy. Now that the Kardashians are around, she gets more than enough privacy.

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This story is getting a little old even for me. Here we have Paris Hilton enjoying a day out on a yacht, because this is exactly the attire I would choose for a day of boating, but when you are Paris IN Paris, it may be a different scene entirely. Who knows. But here she is being all that and loving herself immensely on a yacht on the river Seine while having some down time in Paris. And maybe a little too much so, because during her French vacay the hotel heiress was stopped by officers as she landed on the French island of Corsica by private jet after flying in from Paris. Customs officers with sniffer dogs approached the blonde beauty as she arrived at the airport and reportedly found less than a gram of marijuana in her purse. And of course. Paris was eventually released without charge. An officer at Corsica’s Figari airport said: “We held her for 45 minutes and had strong words.” However, the 29-year-old socialite has denied she was stopped by officers, writing on her twitter page:

“Just to put an end to these rumors. The stories saying I have been arrested are completely false! I am having the best vacation of my life! What an amazing summer! I feel so blessed and grateful for everything. I Love Life!! :) Now let’s move on and everyone focus and enjoy their own summer time! Love you guys! Xo Paris. (sic)”

This latest incident comes just weeks after Paris was arrested on suspected possession of marijuana while in South Africa watching the soccer World Cup. All charges against Paris were eventually dropped after her friend, freelance photographer Jennifer Rovero, said the cannabis was hers. Rovero, who accompanied Paris to South Africa, accepted the charge and was sentenced to a 1,000 rand fine. But let’s move on and refocus shall we, we’re competing with Lilo for headline space here.

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You have to know that when your name is Lindsay Lohan, having a birthday isn’t enough to make headlines. So you have to hand it to the woman that bought her fifteen minutes of fame by being the one who punched Lindsay Lohan on her birthday. I don’t know if Lindsay Lohan got a pinch to grow an inch for her 24th birthday on Friday, but she definitely got a punch in the face. As if she was going to grow an inch anyway. Lindsay alerted her fans and legion of enemies over Twitter early Friday morning that she took a fist to the kisser while celebrating her birthday at L.A. nightclub Voyeur. “A waitress just hit me,” she wrote. “punched me for no reason.” Well maybe it was for “no reason” if you consider the affections of Doug Reinhardt inconsequential, which, I, for one, certainly do. A witness tells Us that Lindsay was shaking her SCRAM bracelet at Paris Hilton’s leftovers. This waitress has a “history” with Doug, wink wink. (They were doing it). Says our friend Close Source:

“She was jealous, and out of nowhere, the waitress punched her in the face! Doug didn’t want any part of it and went to the other side of the booth. Lohan ran out.”

That waitress just messed with the wrong celebrity thats all. Lindsay is broke, crazy, and about to star in a movie about Linda Lovelace.

Photograph: © David Tonnessen, PacificCoastNews.com

After the brand-name bimbo was busted with weed in South Africa, a saintly Playmate steps forward to claim the blame. Paris Hilton is once again free to go about… those things… that she does…. The 29-year-old was arrested for marijuana possession during the Brazil vs. Netherlands soccer game in Port Elizabeth, South Africa, 800 km east of Cape Town, on Friday. But it turned out just to be another wacky mix-up, a la that time she put a metal dish in the microwave on The Simple Life. Paris’s pal and official photographer, a former Playboy model named Jennifer Rovero, ultimately confessed it was her weed police found in a designer handbag. Playboy Bunny Jen was fined $130 CAD. They also tried to deport her, but their lawyer got her a 14 day grace, and said she would be appealing the charge. Because you really want to push your luck in the country that imprisoned Nelson Mandela for 27 years. Paris explained the situation herself on Twitter.

“I had nothing to do with it…There’s a lot of crazy rumours going around. Just want you all to know the truth. Everything is completely fine. I was not charged or arrested, cause I didn’t do anything. I was assisting the police with the investigation and answering their questions. Everyone was super nice and friendly to me. I love South Africa! Such an amazing place, especially during The World Cup! Hope that clears everything up. Love you guys, thanks for your concern. Xoxo P.”

Despite this sunny account of the situation, Paris’s lawyer told the U.K.’s Daily Mail that she wasn’t just called in to use her crack skills as Detective Paris for the day. “Considering their ordeal, which involved sitting in a filthy cell for hours on end and facing possible criminal records, both Paris and Jennifer were model clients,” defense attorney Terry Price said. Paris Hilton with a criminal record? How horrible that would be!… to happen again. Paris is an old weathered hand at prison life after spending 23 days in an L.A. jail for violating her probation in 2007. With that in her past, she’s just lucky it so happened to be her friend carrying drugs, totally unbeknownst to Paris I’m sure. Future contestants on Paris Hilton’s My New BFF, take note.

Photograph: Juan Sharma, © PacificCoastNews.com

Okay, you have to know that this can of worms has just been waiting to open for some time now. If for no other reason than the fact that she is too stupid to be allowed out anywhere unchaperoned. Because stuff like this happens when she doesn’t have someone smart keeping an eye out. Last night, the hotel heiress was taken into police custody and held in a cell after watching the soccer World Cup match between Brazil and Holland in Port Elizabeth as undercover police officers said they had found local marijuana, known as ‘dagga’, in her handbag. Paris had been followed by detectives as she boarded a luxury bus that had taken her, her friends and movie star Leonardo DiCaprio to the quarter-final game and when officers unleashed their sniffer dogs, they went straight to the blonde beauty and her pals. A police source claimed:

“The stadium is a smoke-free zone but at the end of the match an officer noticed Ms Hilton appeared to be smoking. Upon closer examination it became obvious she was smoking weed. That’s when she was arrested.”

Paris – who was taken to a police station close to the Nelson Mandela Bay stadium – then appeared in court. However, all charges against Paris were dropped after her friend admitted possession of cannabis. Freelance photographer Jennifer Rovero, who accompanied Paris to South Africa, accepted the charge and was sentenced to a 1,000 rand fine or 30 days imprisonment. Paris’ representative Dawn Miller said:

“I can confirm that the incident was a complete misunderstanding and it was actually another person in the group who did it. The case has been dropped against Paris and no charges will be made.”

This is not the first time Paris has been in trouble with the law. In 2006, the reality TV star was arrested for driving under the influence (DUI) and in 2007 she served 23 days in prison for violating probation conditions. It’s so handy to have lowly cogs around you to take the brunt when you’re caught smoking weed, isn’t it?

Photograph: ©Josephine Santos, PacificCoastNews.com

Just in case you had nothing better to do, you can cancel your plans to cry for Paris Hilton. Right, you weren’t. Never mind. But she seems to think her love life is of great interest to us…to the world…to anyone that will listen. Sure, she’s no longer with her “future husband” (her words), Doug Reinhardt. But she’s hardly starved for attention…if you ask her. At a fundraiser for Lou Gehrig’s disease on she said:

“A lot of guys have obviously hit on me and I am getting thousands of calls, but I’m not ready to be with anyone. Maybe in six months or a year…but for right now, I’m just too busy for a relationship.”

Maybe she wouldn’t be so busy if she stopped taking thousands of phone calls. Paris and Doug broke up after a year sometime in April, although when exactly is something of a sore spot between the exes. Just like everything else between Paris and an ex is a sore spot. Paris’s rep announced they’d split in early April. Doug then released a statement of his own in mid-April announcing that their breakup had just happened. But let’s be nice now, we are talking about hearts broken so fiercely that public and official STATEMENTS needed to be released. Despite this, it’s hard for Paris to talk about. Not because she was going to marry him. Because her memory of the whole experience is very hazy. “I don’t even remember that time in my life,” she says, referring to her relationship from a few weeks ago. “I am over it! I just realized that I’m better off without him. So I ended it because I deserve something much better! He wasn’t right for me and I will eventually find somebody who loves me for who I am.” Until then, she will focus all of her love on herself, which should not be at all difficult.

Photo: Hellmuth Dominguez, PacificCoastNews.com