This is a very good time when we can be catty and nasty, but let’s remember we are dealing with a very sensitive subject. This of course is of no surprise to anybody, but it doesn’t make the news any less painful for those involved. Yes it is true, publicity stunt or no, the marriage that was the Speidi’s is officially over with Heidi Montag coming to what is left of her senses after liposuction. It sounds like Spencer Pratt really did everything he could to win Heidi back. But it looks like screening a movie he’d made about a sexy lifeguard just wasn’t enough. Heidi Montag has officially filed for divorce. (Pause for high fives and a collective banter over who made the most off that bet.) Is this real yet? Who knows. But Heidi does have a lawyer talking about it.

“The couple has agreed they would like their divorce to be finalized in a timely manner in an out-of-court settlement,” the lawyer, Jodeane Farell, told People. “Both parties are amicable with each other and over the possibility of finalizing their divorce.”

Apparently Spencer didn’t get around to looking up “amicable.” He told Us that they were divorcing because:

“Heidi couldn’t handle King Spencer’s fame so she got out of the marriage.”

That does explain everything, although not in the way Spencer intends it to. If that isn’t enough Hills gossip for you, we do have more. Meanwhile, at her home in Canada, our nation’s favourite after-couple are splitting up too. Jessi Cruickshank, who co-hosted The Hills After Show, announced on Wednesday she was leaving MTV for a job in L.A. “I promise not to get 10 plastic surgeries and that I will be on your TVs again in Canada very soon!” she wrote on Twitter. MTV announced that while The After Show as we know it would be getting the ax, her co-host, Eugene Levy descendent Dan Levy, would be getting his own show. Dan quickly added that “Despite the headlines, The After Show wasn’t cancelled. Our team had decided to end the show on a high note long before Jessi’s move to LA.” And isn’t that what’s really important? Who decided to do what first? Sad but true, The After Show lasted longer than this wedding dress. How long before we see it go up for auction for a cool mill do you figure?

Photograph: Andy Johnstone/Brett Thompsett, pacificcoastnews.com

Yes, this is a question that can be taken a number of ways, as it seems the Heidi Montag we knew and….well, knew…has left the building. It is no secret that this is a girl that has publicly confessed her addiction to her plastics doc, and one look at her here we can see why. Sad thing is she thinks this look is pretty. She has spent the last year or so not only under the radar, but under the knife, and one of the reasons’ we haven’t seen too much of her is because well, surgery recovery can be a little lengthy at times. And now there are a whole host of reasons why she has dropped off the planet, because she just doesn’t look like herself any more (if anyone knows what that is, lemme know) and she is probably more than a little embarrassed by that. She is seen here showing off her new beach body in a “self designed” bikini as she hosts the grand opening of the Liquid Pool Lounge at the Aria Resort and Casino in Las Vegas. And we didn’t see too much of her after that. This event was the first time she went public after a series of TEN procedures that included a mini brow lift, Botox in the brow and frownline, nose job revision, cheek fat injections, nasolabial folds and lips, chin reduction, neck lipo, ear pinning, waist lip, hips and thighs lip, behind augmentation, and the obvious augmentation on the cup size. Pretty? No. Her mother must be so…the opposite of proud. Where did this all come from? An ugly girl she was not, but you either have to have a really LOW self esteem to consider plastics of such extreme, or maybe just a controlling husband that will never be happy with her looks. As it officially turns out, living under Spencer Rule, the half-human, half-plastic creature known as Heidi Montag 3.0 has only left her house three times in a month, Life & Style reports. Spencer explains to the magazine that’s because he’s been working with a former Marine on a screenplay. Naturally, that means the Marine’s now living with them. Normal! And her house isn’t even the nice one from The Hills. Spencer and Heidi, who have been married for a year, actually live in a dump in the Pacific Palisades, daringly decorated with heaps of stuff, random deposits of dog poo, and Spencer’s $400,000–and rapidly expanding–collection of healing crystals, which hopefully haven’t totally replaced deodorant for him. Heidi’s last major outing was to tan her Barbie body at the aforementioned Las Vegas pool party. She also skipped last night’s Nylon party, which was attended by her co-stars Audrina Patridge, Kristin Cavallari, and Spencer’s sister Stephanie Pratt. Before becoming a 23-year-old homebody, Heidi’s career momentum was at an all-time high. She filmed a cameo in the Adam Sandler movie Just Go With It and worked with Ron Howard on a well-received Funny Or Die sketch. She fired Spencer as her manager in March and was well on her way towards forging a separate identity until this happened. Even Spencer’s friend Brody Jenner, who admitted they worked together to fake the reality show The Princes Of Malibu, is concerned.

“I actually think he’s kind of lost it a little bit,” Brody told the Kidd Kraddick in the Morning radio show on Wednesday (via Us). “Lately, it’s hard for me–even as someone who used to be best friends with him–to see what’s real and what’s not as far as he goes… I see he wants attention.”

And when Brody Jenner is the voice of reason, you know something’s horribly wrong.

Photograph: Kevin Perkins, © PacificCoastNews.com*

Louise Barnsley, PacificCoastNews.com

The ever so glamorous Audrina Patridge is seen here filming scenes for the upcoming season of The Hills with Stephanie Pratt as they grab some Thai food on Cahuenga Boulevard. And is it just me, or has Audrina had some work done, as by the looks of it here, she is looking even more glam with every passing season. Whatever she has done, I like, and I particularly like the way she is going blonder without going blonde at all. Very nice, Audrina. And yes, Audrina has once again become the focus of another catfight on The Hills, and her lean towards blonder times may be one symptom of that, as a former co-star is returning to this Laguna Beach spinoff and the blondes are causing a stir. But then, what on The Hills doesn’t end in a catfight? The Hills have set the bar pretty high for themselves, what with the past four seasons chronicling Lauren Conrad and Heidi Pratt being railroaded together despite hating each other. But now, for the new era, which drops Lauren but adds her hometown frenemy Kristin Cavallari, the explosive new drama will find–wait for it–Kristin and Audrina Patridge hating each other! It’s the most daring creative masterstroke since the creators of C.S.I. developed C.S.I.: Miami! Audrina read this new development from her “script” on Ryan Seacrest’s radio show on Thursday. And she was not so slow about letting the world know that she flat out doesn’t like the new blonde in The Hills. Guess another birthday party for Audrina bit the dust when she and Kristen had it out a bit. And we can expect to see every juicy detail this season.

“They’ll show it, but I mean, all I have to say is, it’s really pathetic and desperate what people will do when the cameras are around. It was my birthday, and I was like, ‘Oh, my God. Is this what we’re going to have to deal with? Not to mention all these people who keep showing up with cameras every time sensational drama occurs. I mean what is up with that?”

Did Audrina perhaps forget that she was on a reality TV show? Maybe someone should tell her THAT is what is up with those pesky little camera crews. But this Audrina vs. Kristin thing has also been foreshadowed by Jon and Kate Plus Eight Weekly, formerly known as Us. The magazine’s source says to expect a Hills divided with Lo Bosworth warming up to her former adversary Audrina and Stephanie Pratt while Kristin sides with troublesome Spencer and Heidi Pratt. In addition to the birthday-ruining drama, Kristin reportedly upset the delicate social balance on the series on May 22 when she interrupted a conversation between Audrina’s greasetrap ex-boyfriend Justin Bobby and Spencer’s sister Stephanie at a Hollywood hotel. Yes, they’re fighting over Justin Bobby. These are truly dark days for The Hills.

Pacificcoastnews.com

Lauren aka ‘Lo’ Bosworth is seen here joining a host of celebrities while they party hearty at the popular L.A. hotspot the Crown Bar. And what we know of Lauren is that she is one of the more opinionated girls of The Hills and she is never afraid to speak her mind, or purse her lips accordingly when she finds someone doing something she disapproves of. Ah yes, we all know that ‘hm.’ she gives when someone says something she finds a little out of sorts, and you can’t help but wonder what is going through her head when she gives the disapproving tsk tsk. My, what a great mom Lo will make one day! And with this quality in her that we have all come to know and love, she has vocalized some thoughts on the Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag marriage. She says she was surprised to learn that her costars on The Hills got married in Mexico in a private ceremony, and did so after an evening of champagne and tequila. On The Hills: Live After the Show Monday night, Lauren said:

“I always thought they were going to get married. I just didn’t know when. I thought she always wanted a big, beautiful event wedding in L.A. I was surprised it turned out the way it did actually.”

On the show, Lauren told the world that she heard of the Montag marriage at the same time, and in the same way that we all did, on the Internet. She was very surprised by the alcohol fuelled chain of events when she saw the show air where Spencer had suggested that he and Heidi get married after they had been in the Patron all night. After they had discussed the idea, the two even ordered more Patron, as Heidi so eloquently put it, ‘you know what Patron does to me, it gets me crazy.’ Lauren thought it was hysterical that Heidi needed some tequila to make the final call, the Patron push she called it. She wasn’t too sure if she was drunk when they actually got married, but knows they were the night before when the decision was made. But at the end of the day, Lo does believe that regardless of the how’s or the why’s, that Heidi and Spencer will be married forever. Tough to say when you are dealing with a control freak and a girl that doesn’t seem to make her own decisions, but again, for this very reason this could be a match made in heaven.

I almost want to say that well, hell has frozen over, but I guess we’ve seen this coming. Oh yes, we all cringed when they got engaged, and have been in a state of frozen cringe ever since, but the inevitable has happened. Yes, Spencer Pratt finally coerced Heidi into attaching herself to him in the most permanent and legally binding way by marrying Heidi in a private elopement this past weekend. And when we say private, we mean private, as not even Heidi’s family was made aware.

For those of you that follow The Hills, you may have seen Heidi’s sister Holly on the After Show last night, where she tearfully stated that she was a little hurt by the whole thing but will always be there for Heidi no matter what. Oh yes, Holly flew into the studio to film the After Show not having a clue about Heidi’s nuptials, and when she got off the plane her phone was bombarded with the news that Heidi and Spencer were on the cover of US proudly showing off their newlywedded bliss. Yeah, that’s gotta sting. But nobody knew anything, which seemingly may all boil down to more of Spencer’s control and hideousness.

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© Janet Mayer / PR Photos

Oh this always happens to the shows you love, and the characters you love the most doesn’t it? Whitney Port was always one of my faves from The Hills because she seemed to be the only one that ever had her head on straight. And this groundedness may be just the reason that she is leaving The Hills. But you won’t be missing her for too long, as the rumors that she is kicking into a Hills spinoff are true. We have seen Whitney do the bicoastal lifestyle for a while now with her new job at People’s Revolution, and it turns out that the bicoastal thing is turning into a permanent move for her, but not with People’s Revolution. The result for her fans? A spinoff to The Hills known as naturally, The City. The City will follow Whitney as she makes the permanent move to the Big Apple, works in a fashion house, reunites with old friends, and revamps her love life. Now THAT will be something I look forward to, I always thought this girl deserved a little more fun than we were seeing. But Whitney will no longer be working for People’s Revolution which may be a good thing for her. Nope, she is moving on up the fashion ladder and will be working for another female powerhouse, none other than Diane Von Furstenberg. Oh, my heart! Could I BE any more jealous? At any rate, this new job and new life will be very exciting for Whitney, and for her fans. As we know, The Hills itself is a spinoff to Laguna Beach, when LC, the affectionate nickname of Lauren Conrad won over fans and moved to The Hills to pursue work at Teen Vogue. Incidentally, nobody in Lauren’s real life actually call her that, but you know how these things stick. I am sure we will see Whitney end up with a few nicknames for herself as well…in the meantime, she’s giving us something great to look forward to!